he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
