Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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