you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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