I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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