If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
