I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
