She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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