why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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