you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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