You really coming over, don't trick.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
