Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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