She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
