OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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