Well douche your snatch and let's go!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
