Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
