Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
