You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
