It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
someone owes me an orgasm
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
