Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
