why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
