I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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