Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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