i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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