I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
