I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
