Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
