Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
