I must be too annoying 4 u.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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