did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
