Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
