just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
