My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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