I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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