Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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