what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
