I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
