I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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