hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
