She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
