Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she pinky promised me she was 18
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
