Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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