ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
