"it" just moved
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
