guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was like giving head to a cactus.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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