you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
