There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
