My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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