So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
