just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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