got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
