I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am one with the molecules
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
