I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Are my feet made of real feet?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
