you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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