you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
