The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
