i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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