don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
