ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
These tits shall not be calmed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
