who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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