the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
