I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's paint friendship bongs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
