Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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