I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
