She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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