people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
