just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
