I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
