Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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