He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
