Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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