I'm really into asian looking animals
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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