Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
