so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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