alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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