Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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