escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
