Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This baby is an asshole
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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