When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
