so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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