dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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