My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
