i think my tv is drunk
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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