Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
