A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
